I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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