i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
