I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
