guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize