East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
