She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize