Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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