dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
