ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
