Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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