i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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