This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
