As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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