i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
