I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
