Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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