So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
