after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
