Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
