come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
