dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
