u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
