This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize