dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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