Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
