just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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