we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
