The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
