I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We need to get me chipped asap
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
