i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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