Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize