He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
