I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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