I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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