Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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