I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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