A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
