i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
