I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
