i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
