I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We left the knife in your bed.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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