I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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