i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
