I hate your face
420 ftw
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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