Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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