Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
