Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
