and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
