so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
