the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
