Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
