my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
