I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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