I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
