With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
