umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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