Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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