I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
