I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
