Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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