12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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