Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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