I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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